life away from "the burg"

Clearly I'm not cut out for this whole blogging business. In all honesty, I kind of consider blogging an excuse to talk to myself; I don't really want to admit to any kind of insanity. While I was in school it was a nice escape from homework. I have friends and family who use their blog to update other loved ones from a distance. My blog has not yet reached that status. Either my network of friends is still too physically close to me or I am still too personal in my communications with others!!! Ha! Regardless of the reason, a few significant things have happened since my last post....
I GRADUATED FROM COLLEGE!!!!!!!!!
The mix of emotions is heavily out numbered with relief and satisfaction. Though I will miss many of people and I'm saddened at the thought that I may neve see some of them again. I'm anxious and optimistic to see what the world has in store for me.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

sexy paper

Everyone has different things they find attractive. There are different characteristic in other people that seem to draws us into their presence. But each person is drawn to slightly differently things. Generally speaking, the top two characteristics men value in women are: physical looks and the woman’s ability to be domestic. On the other side of that, the top two characteristic women value in men are: intelligence and the man’s ability to be a provider.
Everyone has their list of “must haves” that they are looking for in a mate. Mine include things like: a job, a car, a house not attached to his parents’. He must be taller than me with when I wear my tallest shoes, under no circumstances can he be a Red Sox fan, and he must have the ability to unplug himself once in a while. This last one may be the most important. In the techie world we live in today, communication is less personal and often requires several different technologies at the same time. I may get a text to my phone while at my computer, so I respond through an email, then I am replied to via Facebook, at which point I return with a voice mail. Its all very exhausting. Whatever happened to paper letters?
Sure they may take longer for replies to be recieved. But there is a sense of anticipation that one gets while waiting. Once upon a time, people used to really take pride in their paper products. One didn’t just write a note and stuff it in the mail box. Time was taken in selecting the appropriate type of card in which to write the note. Do I use my personalized, informal, teal notes? Do I use the thick, formal, correspondence card? Or is this the occasion where a greeting card needs to be selected? People used to think paper was sexy!
I am one of those surviving few with an attraction to stylish paper products. Maybe, its not so much of an attraction anymore as it is an addiction. There are several influences I have to blame for this addiction. The first is my mother (as all good addictions are to blamed on mothers in a cliché way, why should this be any different), who was raised in upper class New Jersey. I also blame the job I started when I was 16 years old… I worked in a stationery store. Very early in this “career”, I learned to crave the very best, Crane’s, William Arthur, Vera Wang, Kate Spade! I compulsively spent my paycheck on the latest and greatest cards and notes. There is just something about the way a sheet of white linen paper feels in your hand that makes the world seem a little bit brighter.

so close... i can taste it...

for those of you who have been keeping count: there are only 12 days until graduation!!! lets review the exciting things that have been done in preparation for this event:
1. graduation application submitted
..... and accepted!
2. announcements ordered, addressed, stuffed, sealed, stamped, and sent
3. tassel, cap and gown picked up (gown still needs to be ironed though!!)

A short list, but it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. The list of things to do is too long and mundane to post. It includes horrible things like research papers and puppet choreography. In fact these painful assignments are the reason I am even awake before noon on a Saturday! Saturday mornings are a myth similar to Santa Claus that we invent as teenagers. That little "am" sign on my alarm clock just looks so unnatural on a Saturday!

Then next week and a half are filled above the brim and its going to take all my energy not to keep treading and not to drown in the tasks. Its still surreal to me that I'm actually graduating from college. I'm not sure why this diploma only appeared to be real in dreams and fantasy worlds.

Hopefully I'll survive to post again!

a much needed update

It's been a while since my last post... Sorry!!! Here's what's been going on in my life.... School!! Ha! Sadly that's all I seem to do anymore. On the rare occasion that I'm not doing homework of some kind I'm doing 1 of 3 things: eating, sleeping, or planning on what to do next!!!
The good news is that graduation is only 30 short days away... I can honestly tell you that something major is due everyday from now to then. Presentations, papers, choreography, tests... you name it! Overloaded and overwhelmed to say the least. The last 4 years of my life may have actually prepared me for this amount of stress. Weird. I suppose I just need to keep my fingers crossed that all of this will prepare me for the future.... Maybe you should cross your fingers too (just in case)!!!!!
I know that college has be an experience worth my time... A million times more fun and memorable than high school... But it would be a lie if I said I wasn't ready to be done.... One more moment of school may kill me!!
Hopefully more posts of more interest to follow!!!!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

the light at the end of the tunnel...

Life is crazy... Well technically life for me hasn't really started yet!!! I have 2 months left of school and I'm so thrilled to get something out of 4 years of work and play!!! After that I get to jump into the real world and face this thing called life head on... I'm terrified!! Ha!
School is hard, but it's always been hard, and right now it's the last thing on my mind. I am constantly asked what my plans are after graduation, I typically give some big long detailed schpeal which breaks down to a whole lot of nothing! That's the sad truth: I don't have a plan. I guess my plan is to move out of Rexburg then regroup and think of a new plan!!! There are oodles of options though.... Work, grad school, relationships and such are filled with opportunities just waiting for me to choose. I keep trying to avoid making these choices. At present time I am able to stay calm with my distractions. But the greater part of my mind is kicking me to get off my butt, stop playing sudoku and start my real life!!!

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPhone]

writer's block

a few weeks ago, in my hardest class, dance teaching techniques, my professor told us that are final projects were going to be due early. at first, i felt annoyed and rushed, but then i realized that after it was done, the final week and a half of school would be cake! the next two days after this announcement my remaining classes had almost identical announcements! and, my dance teaching tech. professor decided to give us a final paper and exam on top of our projects. why is it necessary for me to have finals almost two weeks early???? i'm convinced its a conspiracy against me! hahah.... but then again, it seems i'm always convinced the world is out to get me somehow! haha!
so my dance project is finished, i present tomorrow, and i should be witting my paper, because i'm only on page three of the required eight. but i can't seem to create enough filler bullshit to get my point across. i'm not a writer, and so writer's block comes very easily to me. i also just assume that every knows exactly what i'm talking about. i wish i could just have a discussion about my paper instead of actually having to write it!!!! i may go insane writing about my dance teaching philosophy... BAH!
funny that i can always write a long post about almost nothing, but i can't seem to write my paper about my passion! i'm secretly hoping that blogging may unlock something deep in my brain and allow me to get this stupid thing done! yeah... i doubt it too! ha!

lent... and more of life...

SOOOO.... my friend meredith and i decided to go on an adventure for lent. if you have no idea what i'm talking about... wiki it! or just rent the movie "40 days and 40 nights" with josh hartnet. basically during lent, you choose to give up something (usually a vice) for 40 days, starting on ash wednesday (this past wednesday) and it ends on easter sunday. that's more or less why mardi gras is such a huge party day, because its the day before lent starts! in the movie, josh (yes we're on a first name basis) gives up sex... well meredith and i are only giving up facebook! it should be a huge adventure! we had other people change our passwords and everything. i'm already missing it. which goes to show that this is really something i needed to do. i clearly spend too much time on facebook for my own good. i'm hoping that i'll be much more productive and maybe even more adventurous... i'll certainly be blogging more to sort of replace the void facebook has left in my life! wow! that makes me sound so lame.... freaking facebook left a void... yeah... this is most definitely for the better!!!!!
moving on to other adventures...
i registered for my last 4 college classes only moments ago, and i could not be more thrilled to truly see the end. i'm not sure why, but i just feel more free. i still don't have a plan for my life after graduation (which of course scares me), but i'm starting to be okay with that. i know that i have options, and time. i also know that time will continue to fly, so its a good thing i'm a goal oriented person... all i really need is a good idea and i could be set.
life as thrown me some interesting curve balls lately, but i think i'm starting to get the hang of this batting thing! i'm done with all this stress caused by things i can't control. it really takes the fun out of life! i've taken my deep breath, i've counted to ten... i'm ready to start living my life again!!!

bring on the leotard and tights!!

yes... its that special time of year... time to start wearing leotards and tights under every outfit, time to only pretend like i have a life, time for school to start again! this term is a strange one for me. i'm officially in the "home stretch" of my bachelors program. the end is near... only something like 197 days left (but i'm not counting!). the graduation application has been submitted and approved pending i pass my remaining 24 credits between now and july 23. the strange part is that i now have to start planing my life... and like i've mentioned earlier... i'm not ready to do that!!! also, i'm realizing that there are so many more factors in this life decision then i ever thought. its so overwhelming!!!

growing up... let's not and say we did!

the recent past has forced me to make some real decisions about my life... and in all honesty... i don't want to do any of it! whatever happened to the age where grown-ups were this alien idea? i always dreamed of who i'd be when i grew up... for some reason, "confused and starving college student" just wasn't something i saw!!!!
this week is finals week... the last week of the semester... the most stressful and stress relieving week known to man... the week that pizza sales quadruple... ; ) when this term is over i will be 28 short weeks of school away from graduation! that's less than 200 days left before society tells me i have to start my life!!!! where is never-never land when you really need it?!?!?! i have no idea what in the world i'm going to do with my life. and i don't even know how to begin solving this crisis...

insainity is a myth... i promise!

i've often thought of blogs as silly and useless... sometimes i think they are just a lame excuse to brag about life... and have you noticed that blogs totally promote internet creeping... a.k.a.... stalking!!! but i'm beginning to see the cleaver usefulness of these blogs... its totally an excuse to talk to yourself!! if i blogged every conversation i had with myself i would be the most frequent blogger ever.... people always tell me that "talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity" well i say "talking to yourself is just blogging without a computer!" haha!
so i'm sitting here... in my warm apartment in the ice box i live in called rexburg, idaho... sadly i am actually listening to christmas music, and i know its not even thanksgiving yet, so i apologize for my pre-holiday excitment. i just finished a paper that i wish to entitle "the bane of my existence" however i'm not sure my ballet instructor will appreciate that!
let me tell you about this paper for a moment... i had to write about a certain section of body (my teacher asked me to write about the hip), i was supposed to talk about the bones, muscles, ligaments, arteries, and nerves that are associated with this area. then i had to expand on how this specific section helps a ballet dancer in executing leaps, turns, plies, kicks, and other just adventures. now you must admit this is quite tedious, but maybe not torturous... however, i have a serious hip problem that prevents me from really succeeding in my dancing... hence my left hip as been dubbed "the bane of my existence." my instructor knows i constantly struggle with this hip problem and that is why she specifically asked me to write about the hip. the best part is while i opened my anatomy book (which is quickly move up the "bane of existence" list) and familiarized myself with each bone and muscle... i think each different bone and muscle ached while i read more about it... in fact just thinking of laterally rotating inside my hip joint in order to abduct my femur makes me cringe.
so anyway... i'm finally finished with said paper... and i've lost all motivation to do anything else productive, so naturally i began have a conversation (out loud, of course) with myself... this prompted me to log on and blog away! this in a way is saving my sanity... the more often i talk to myself the less often i talk to real people... haha! i still have plenty of energy and could be doing so much with my time... because lets face it... i have tons to do before i go home for thanksgiving.
while we're talking about thanksgiving, i just need to mention that i am so freaking excited beyond human description to go home!!! i get to see my family, i get to get the hell out of rexburg, and... i get to be with my man!!!!!! i remember in middle school, relationships really only ever took place on the weekends at the movies, yet you still saw the other person everyday (becasue they were in your class of course). then in high school you got to add lunch to the date time, and potential hang outs after school, but class schedules started to differ more... it seems as you get old the less you see your significant other, yet you crave them more. its been about a month since i last saw my man... and let me tell you... if i had to wait one more day i would probably loose all self control and murder some stranger or something. funny how people become so much more important to you too....

do i look like a prima ballerina to you?!?

so... i'm a dance student... specifically i'm studying contemporary dance... however, i am required to take ballet technique classes. this term, i am doing just that... taking a ballet class... on pointe! let me just explain the pure agnony that is pointe shoes: these are a ballet slipper that has a wood box in the toe, allowing the dancer to stand on her tippy toes. a ballet dancer should not start pointe until her feet are fully developed and strong enough. many young dancers go on pointe too early and thats when you see dancers with ugly deformed feet. no matter how strong your feet are, pointe shoes always hurt. my first week on pointe 4 of my toe nails bleed and 2 weeks later i broke a toe! being on pointe does make me one of the advnaced students in my not so advanced class... however... i think it should be noted that i am being forced to be in this class... and i'm actually being forced to go on pointe too! i feel so uncordinated, so off balance, so awkward, its a miracle i even make it out alive... yet for some reason there are too many people who seem to believe that i am this beautiful prima ballerina! are you freaking kidding me??? i am so far from a ballerina is not even funny!!! i'm a contemporary dancer... i like the wierd modern stuff, and fun ridiculous jazzy routines... give me so stretchy jazzy pants over tights any day!!!
one day after ballet, a classmate of mine, who is minoring in photography, comes up to me and asks if i can be the subject of her next photography project. she needs to take several pictures of me dancing... well not just dancing but ballet... on pointe!!! tonight was that lucky time! i have rarely ever felt that awkward... me in my pink tights, black leotard, gray skirt and point shoes pretending to flitt around the studio floor... personally, it was a distaster... however, she seemed pleased.... oh well!!!

surviving alone... that's not natural!!!

i've always been one who tries to solve the problem... from mathematical problems to emotional ones... it doesn't matter... if its broken, i'll try to fix it. i often thought of this trait as a strength of mine, but recently i've discovered it is more of a weakness. maybe its not so much the "problem solver" and it is the "loner problem solver." for some unexplained reason i don't tend to ask for help very often... i suppose since there are some who ask for my help that i can't let them see when i, myself, am in need of some tlc.

recently, the idea of coping alone seemed the only option... well i was way wrong... i just didn't realize it until i was overthrown! sometimes it just takes someone to slap you in the face and tell you "there's no way you're handling this alone... its no longer an option!"

so... thank you to all of you who force your help on me!!!!