do i look like a prima ballerina to you?!?

so... i'm a dance student... specifically i'm studying contemporary dance... however, i am required to take ballet technique classes. this term, i am doing just that... taking a ballet class... on pointe! let me just explain the pure agnony that is pointe shoes: these are a ballet slipper that has a wood box in the toe, allowing the dancer to stand on her tippy toes. a ballet dancer should not start pointe until her feet are fully developed and strong enough. many young dancers go on pointe too early and thats when you see dancers with ugly deformed feet. no matter how strong your feet are, pointe shoes always hurt. my first week on pointe 4 of my toe nails bleed and 2 weeks later i broke a toe! being on pointe does make me one of the advnaced students in my not so advanced class... however... i think it should be noted that i am being forced to be in this class... and i'm actually being forced to go on pointe too! i feel so uncordinated, so off balance, so awkward, its a miracle i even make it out alive... yet for some reason there are too many people who seem to believe that i am this beautiful prima ballerina! are you freaking kidding me??? i am so far from a ballerina is not even funny!!! i'm a contemporary dancer... i like the wierd modern stuff, and fun ridiculous jazzy routines... give me so stretchy jazzy pants over tights any day!!!
one day after ballet, a classmate of mine, who is minoring in photography, comes up to me and asks if i can be the subject of her next photography project. she needs to take several pictures of me dancing... well not just dancing but ballet... on pointe!!! tonight was that lucky time! i have rarely ever felt that awkward... me in my pink tights, black leotard, gray skirt and point shoes pretending to flitt around the studio floor... personally, it was a distaster... however, she seemed pleased.... oh well!!!

surviving alone... that's not natural!!!

i've always been one who tries to solve the problem... from mathematical problems to emotional ones... it doesn't matter... if its broken, i'll try to fix it. i often thought of this trait as a strength of mine, but recently i've discovered it is more of a weakness. maybe its not so much the "problem solver" and it is the "loner problem solver." for some unexplained reason i don't tend to ask for help very often... i suppose since there are some who ask for my help that i can't let them see when i, myself, am in need of some tlc.

recently, the idea of coping alone seemed the only option... well i was way wrong... i just didn't realize it until i was overthrown! sometimes it just takes someone to slap you in the face and tell you "there's no way you're handling this alone... its no longer an option!"

so... thank you to all of you who force your help on me!!!!