growing up... let's not and say we did!

the recent past has forced me to make some real decisions about my life... and in all honesty... i don't want to do any of it! whatever happened to the age where grown-ups were this alien idea? i always dreamed of who i'd be when i grew up... for some reason, "confused and starving college student" just wasn't something i saw!!!!
this week is finals week... the last week of the semester... the most stressful and stress relieving week known to man... the week that pizza sales quadruple... ; ) when this term is over i will be 28 short weeks of school away from graduation! that's less than 200 days left before society tells me i have to start my life!!!! where is never-never land when you really need it?!?!?! i have no idea what in the world i'm going to do with my life. and i don't even know how to begin solving this crisis...

insainity is a myth... i promise!

i've often thought of blogs as silly and useless... sometimes i think they are just a lame excuse to brag about life... and have you noticed that blogs totally promote internet creeping... a.k.a.... stalking!!! but i'm beginning to see the cleaver usefulness of these blogs... its totally an excuse to talk to yourself!! if i blogged every conversation i had with myself i would be the most frequent blogger ever.... people always tell me that "talking to yourself is the first sign of insanity" well i say "talking to yourself is just blogging without a computer!" haha!
so i'm sitting here... in my warm apartment in the ice box i live in called rexburg, idaho... sadly i am actually listening to christmas music, and i know its not even thanksgiving yet, so i apologize for my pre-holiday excitment. i just finished a paper that i wish to entitle "the bane of my existence" however i'm not sure my ballet instructor will appreciate that!
let me tell you about this paper for a moment... i had to write about a certain section of body (my teacher asked me to write about the hip), i was supposed to talk about the bones, muscles, ligaments, arteries, and nerves that are associated with this area. then i had to expand on how this specific section helps a ballet dancer in executing leaps, turns, plies, kicks, and other just adventures. now you must admit this is quite tedious, but maybe not torturous... however, i have a serious hip problem that prevents me from really succeeding in my dancing... hence my left hip as been dubbed "the bane of my existence." my instructor knows i constantly struggle with this hip problem and that is why she specifically asked me to write about the hip. the best part is while i opened my anatomy book (which is quickly move up the "bane of existence" list) and familiarized myself with each bone and muscle... i think each different bone and muscle ached while i read more about it... in fact just thinking of laterally rotating inside my hip joint in order to abduct my femur makes me cringe.
so anyway... i'm finally finished with said paper... and i've lost all motivation to do anything else productive, so naturally i began have a conversation (out loud, of course) with myself... this prompted me to log on and blog away! this in a way is saving my sanity... the more often i talk to myself the less often i talk to real people... haha! i still have plenty of energy and could be doing so much with my time... because lets face it... i have tons to do before i go home for thanksgiving.
while we're talking about thanksgiving, i just need to mention that i am so freaking excited beyond human description to go home!!! i get to see my family, i get to get the hell out of rexburg, and... i get to be with my man!!!!!! i remember in middle school, relationships really only ever took place on the weekends at the movies, yet you still saw the other person everyday (becasue they were in your class of course). then in high school you got to add lunch to the date time, and potential hang outs after school, but class schedules started to differ more... it seems as you get old the less you see your significant other, yet you crave them more. its been about a month since i last saw my man... and let me tell you... if i had to wait one more day i would probably loose all self control and murder some stranger or something. funny how people become so much more important to you too....

do i look like a prima ballerina to you?!?

so... i'm a dance student... specifically i'm studying contemporary dance... however, i am required to take ballet technique classes. this term, i am doing just that... taking a ballet class... on pointe! let me just explain the pure agnony that is pointe shoes: these are a ballet slipper that has a wood box in the toe, allowing the dancer to stand on her tippy toes. a ballet dancer should not start pointe until her feet are fully developed and strong enough. many young dancers go on pointe too early and thats when you see dancers with ugly deformed feet. no matter how strong your feet are, pointe shoes always hurt. my first week on pointe 4 of my toe nails bleed and 2 weeks later i broke a toe! being on pointe does make me one of the advnaced students in my not so advanced class... however... i think it should be noted that i am being forced to be in this class... and i'm actually being forced to go on pointe too! i feel so uncordinated, so off balance, so awkward, its a miracle i even make it out alive... yet for some reason there are too many people who seem to believe that i am this beautiful prima ballerina! are you freaking kidding me??? i am so far from a ballerina is not even funny!!! i'm a contemporary dancer... i like the wierd modern stuff, and fun ridiculous jazzy routines... give me so stretchy jazzy pants over tights any day!!!
one day after ballet, a classmate of mine, who is minoring in photography, comes up to me and asks if i can be the subject of her next photography project. she needs to take several pictures of me dancing... well not just dancing but ballet... on pointe!!! tonight was that lucky time! i have rarely ever felt that awkward... me in my pink tights, black leotard, gray skirt and point shoes pretending to flitt around the studio floor... personally, it was a distaster... however, she seemed pleased.... oh well!!!

surviving alone... that's not natural!!!

i've always been one who tries to solve the problem... from mathematical problems to emotional ones... it doesn't matter... if its broken, i'll try to fix it. i often thought of this trait as a strength of mine, but recently i've discovered it is more of a weakness. maybe its not so much the "problem solver" and it is the "loner problem solver." for some unexplained reason i don't tend to ask for help very often... i suppose since there are some who ask for my help that i can't let them see when i, myself, am in need of some tlc.

recently, the idea of coping alone seemed the only option... well i was way wrong... i just didn't realize it until i was overthrown! sometimes it just takes someone to slap you in the face and tell you "there's no way you're handling this alone... its no longer an option!"

so... thank you to all of you who force your help on me!!!!